#there's that episode of buffy when angel loses his soul and kills that guy whos smoking then blows out the smoke

[bigassbowlingballhead]

Taylor looks horrified that he has to even hold the thing in his hands lol

this is in reference to the picture of taylor holding a cigarette

he looks like his parents are going to kill him when they see this photo.

[vargamornight]

angel and spike's relationship and their eligibility for the shanshu prophecy have got my brain on puree and i'm tossing episodes in one at a time

when spike was first turned, immortality was a gift. he could live forever! the first goddamn thing he did was go to his mother and turn her. he told dru the three of them can travel the world together! it didn’t go well, but that was okay, because he still had dru, and she was his everything. she was his whole world, his sire, the woman who gave him life. she was his destiny. spike-as-william was perfectly content to just live with drusilla, and angel and darla, because he loved dru, and she loved them. they were family, they were his home, and that was all he ever wanted. just somewhere to belong.

and that pissed angelus right the fuck off. angelus, whose first act as a vampire was to kill his father, whose love for darla was more like rage, who took every opportunity to slaughter and bathe in the blood of innocents, could not fucking stand that this guy was just like "hahaha that was so funny when you killed that guy. anyway, i think i'm just gonna go hang out with dru." angelus didn’t want love, or peace, or contentment. he wanted to rip heads off of shoulders, eat babies, and rape teenaged girls. seeing spike so well adjusted made him genuinely angry, so he did something that he knew would ruffle spike's calm: he slept with dru.

ever since then, they've hated each other. angel literally started it, but neither of them was ever particularly kind about their retaliation. angel tortured spike emotionally and psychologically for like a hundred years, and spike had angel physically tortured for like, three whole hours for information, plus spike definitely went after buffy (in more ways than one) just to piss off angel. but even without a soul, spike was never anywhere near as bad as angel. not even close.

so angel gets a soul. it's an enormous burden, because of how much of a shitstain he's been for the past 150 years or whatever, and he suddenly is capable of guilt again. it's a curse.

(but then he sees a 14 year old girl, the one girl in the world who might put him out of his misery, and he, a 27-slash-200 year old man, literally immediately decides he's in love with that 14 year old girl. okay dude. sure.)

angel becomes a good guy and joins the fight against evil, instead of just eating rats and not dying, because he wants the girl to like him. she does, they bang, he loses his soul again, tortures her psychologically, kills some people, gets sent to a hell dimension, gets out, and leaves. honestly, can't blame him for that one.

angel leaves buffy voluntarily so that he won't/can't hurt her by being a shitstain without a soul again.

and then there's spike. spike basically just noodles around, delivering threatening monologues from rooftops while watching one protagonist or another, and it's very cool and scary until it's time for the dastardly plan to kick in, at which point everything immediately falls apart like a cartoon car with no bolts, leaving spike blinking comically, holding a steering wheel and sitting on air. spike refers to angel as a drama queen several times, and he's not wrong, but he is very hypocritical.

spike gets to sunnydale and goes after buffy for fun, fails terribly, then succeeds at kidnapping angel, who he needs because dru, the light of his life, his moon and stars, his effulgent beauty, his destiny, is not feeling well and he needs the blood of her sire to heal her. that's it. no real ulterior motive, no "i'm gonna getcha" threats, just. business. his wife is sick and he's getting her magical chicken noodle soup. it just so happens that the chicken in said soup is angel, and spike has no problem with that.

then he continues noodling around, tortures angel about a ring, fails terribly, goes back to sunnydale, and immediately gets caught and collared by the literally underground military group operating out of a california college campus. and then he can't hurt humans anymore without getting a migraine, and he's the world's biggest baby, so he is effectively neutered from here on out.

gradually, he learns to be less of a shithead, and falls for buffy the real way, the long way, the hard way—he sees her, and he knows her, and he learns to respect and love her. he is dogged in his pursuit of her. relentless. because even when she tells him to back off, she kisses him right after. she's putting on a show for the benefit of her own pride, and he knows that, and he understands, because he believes it when she says he's beneath her. he knows it. he's not good enough for her, and he never could be.

but he could be better.

so he leaves. he goes and gets his soul back. he fights tooth and nail to get it, almost dying several times in the process. because he's not being cursed with a soul—he's earning his. he's proving, once and for all, to himself, to angel, to buffy, to everyone, that he is better than what everyone thought he could ever be.

and, just in case anyone had any doubt, he goes back to sunnydale and he does the one thing angel could never do: he gives his life to save the goddamn world. burns up, knowing he's leaving buffy behind, knowing there's no coming back from this. knowing, ultimately, this is the only thing worth doing. he dies, not for buffy, but because it's the right thing to do.

and that pisses angel off, too.

he's like, why the fuck should it be so easy for him? all he has to do is die and now suddenly he's a hero? a champion? angel's spent a thousand years suffering! that has to be worth more! that has to mean he's the better man! because if he's not, if spike can be weighed against angel and find a balanced scale, then he suffered for nothing! and spike barely suffered at all! (factually untrue, but angel doesn't exactly see clearly when it comes to his protege) so, no. he does not keep his cool when it turns out spike is eligible for the shanshu prophecy just as much as angel

and the reason for all of angel's dumbfuck behavior is made all too clear when he tries to convince spike not to claim the shanshu prophecy for himself: "it's a burden. a cross. you have to live."

diagnosis: terminal catholicism

angel is catholic and spike is not and that's why all of this happened the way it did.

p.s. also: SPIKE WITH A SOUL WAS NOT A DIFFERENT MAN THAN THE SPIKE WITHOUT A SOUL WHO LEARNED TO BE GOOD. he put the fucking work in, he just needed it to be official. like a high school diploma. "went through hell and here's the proof."

p.p.s. also: the initial angelus getting mad was because angelus totally wanted to fuck spike, took him on a date, and spike bailed to hang out with dru, so angelus had revenge sex with dru. canon.

[faithlesbian]

buffyangel gender roles transfem angel - when angel gets possessed by that girl ghost in season 3? insane and the guy ghost picks buffy to inhabit beautiful

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER SEASON 2 EPISODE 19 I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU EPISODE OF ALL TIME!!!!!

for real this ep is up there among my whole show favourites because of how directly it engages with buffy's self-blame over angel losing his soul through, of all things, the medium of genderswapping ghost possession. this is gonna get Long just to warn you

the way this episode is set up is so so so genius. they could've made it a very simple story about an evil abuser and an innocent victim, but instead they recognised that the situation demanded more than that. real life rarely follows a simple story, and it can often be hard to recognise a relationship for what it is when it doesnt fit that template. buffy finds it very hard to think of herself as a victim, and she blames herself for "killing" the angel that she loved and turning him into the monster he is now, which is why she hates the ghost of this boy as much she does - she fears that she has done something worse than just murder her lover. she could have all her friends and family tell her this wasnt her fault and i dont think she would fully believe them, but through the possession she is told that if it was her fault, if she did kill angel, she would be loved and forgiven anyway.

the role that gender plays in this episode is Crucial. despite setting out to subvert the horror movie blonde cheerleader victim trope, btvs often falls into a pattern of men as monsters and women as victims. in this world, no male character is exempt from seeing women sexually, even gay characters like larry and andrew perform misogynistic sexual degradation of women that's played for laughs. it's just "how all men are". conversely, as evil as women can be on btvs, their sexual violence against men is never taken seriously (see all the times xander is assaulted that just never get addressed). this episode complicates the binary of men as monsters and women as victims as part of its overall complication of these roles by having the final possession play out the way it does. angel, the "man" who is textually a monster, becomes a woman who was a victim of a crime of passion, while still remaining the older person who got into a relationship with a teenager despite knowing it was wrong. buffy, the innocent young girl, becomes an angry murderous boy, while still remaining an emotional teenager making rash choices in the name of love. the disruption of these concrete ideas of monster and victim (and their gendered natures within the show) allows buffy to realise she needs to forgive herself.

obviously this whole plot is doing fascinating things with gender, but the ending stands out to me specifically because of how angel reacts. textually he feels disturbed by the reminder of his humanity and feels the need to go out and do evil vampire things to feel affirmed in his monstrosity, but i also think its interesting how buffy, who often feels robbed of her sense of girlhood by her role as the slayer, isn't perturbed at all by briefly becoming a man. the subversion of gender roles was central in their relationship prior to him losing his soul, with buffy being the strong capable hero, and angel her damsel in distress -- buffy has for the most part reconciled with the perceived masculinity of her strength and doesnt feel that it makes her any less of a girl. angel, on the other hand, who has now had to take on a more masculine role as patriarch of the vampire family (in darla's absence) is freaking out not just because of the reminder of humanity but bc he was briefly literally buffy's girl -- something he wants more than he can let on, soul or no.

[sapphic-lottienat]

october 13 (faith lehane day !!)

hiii guys, so as some of you may or may not know, today is international faith lehane day!! this post may come a bit early to some because i live in australia btww

so what i believe was 25 years ago to this day, season 3 episode 3 (faith, hope, and trick) aired on american tv, and we were introduced to the character of faith lehane

faith was probably my first real celebrity crush, even though i was young-ish when i watched it. i loved her personality, her strength (both emotional and physical), and her obvious queerly undertoned relationship with buffy.

faith goes through so much heartbreak and betrayal and loss, which is why i believe that she was never a truly evil character. im probably saying things that everybody knows, but faith was a kid like buffy too. everyone talks about how buffy was so young when she had to deal with all of this stuff, but faith was young as well.

remember the impact that giles had on buffy. with him, buffy had both a mother and a father figure, completing her little family (at least, from seasons 1-4). but faith's watcher died and her parents were never there for her. she was always so lost and alone, terrified of vulnerability.

that's why when she befriends the mayor, she clings onto him, does anything for him. he is the father that she never had (to clarify, i do NOT approve of their relationship; he used and practically groomed her).

faith had it worse than buffy, and yet people still treat her like an awful person. but what did she do that was that bad? she was manipulated into aiding the mayor. she killed a man? guess what. so did giles. the circumstances were different, yes, but it was a genuine accident in faith's case.

she runs, pretends that nothing happened. because she feels SO guilty about it, and if she buries her guilt deep in her denial, she knows that she'll never have to feel it.

this all leads me onto my next point; fuffy was genuinely a much better ship than bangel or spuffy (no hate ofc, im a spuffy girl too). 

obviously, faith was not a vampire. green flag number one :)

there were always the gayest undertones with their characters (yes i know eliza played her role as if she liked buffy)

she was the healthiest fulfilment-wise?? angel and buffy obviously couldn't do anything without him losing his soul, and sleeping with spike sent buffy into such deep self-loathing. but faith was always her friend, she always went to her if she was in trouble… yall they could make out as much as they want with no repercussions.

there are also many quotes to back up my argument, soo here are some off the top of my head :)

"really, we're just good friends" (buffy)

"let's have another go, see who lands on top" (faith)

"willow said you needed me. didn't give it too much thought" (faith)

and then there's the way they look at eachother, the forehead kiss, and (my personal favourite) the way that scott hope absolutely spread the rumour that buffy was gay because he saw how faith and buffy interacted.

i dont really know what else to write so thank you that concludes my essay <3 i might write a fuffy fanfic after this actually…

[someonefantastic]

So I just rewatched Amends and looking at that episode alongside beige!Angel in ATS s2 is just really interesting. Particularly the idea that the reason why Angel went to Darla in Reprise/Epiphany was to try to feel something other than the cold darkness inside of him. And I think putting that alongside how he was in Amends, how the First kept trying to get him to take Buffy and how part of him still wanted her comfort and didn't care if he lost his soul because of it, is just really really fascinating. Like this idea that Angel tries to use physicality to escape the darkness but how that mere act can send him further into that darkness. 

This is a guy who has been pretty tactile all his life, from what we’ve seen, and then was without touch or love or anything for like a hundred years and was instead tortured with overwhelming guilt, and then when he finally got it that touch along with love (something he arguably never really experienced before), he was able to let go of that guilt for just a moment and actually feel something other than remorse and it cost him everything. He hurt people and killed and maimed and was sent to hell and despite all of that, he still craves the touch and the intimacy and more importantly the ability to lose himself and let go of everything for a moment and I really don’t think he ever stopped wanting that. 

Because he is cursed to suffer and to feel guilt for the rest of his life and even though he knows he deserves it, he still wants to be able to live without it, even for just a moment. ‘Cause he’s not always good! Angel is morally gray at times and I know the shows like to boil it down to soul = good but they’ve also shown us that that isn’t always the case and that the world is more in shades of gray and Angel is a huge representation of that. Yeah, he fights on the side of good and I think he is inherently a good person but he’s also selfish and argumentative and doesn’t listen to people when he thinks he’s right. He’s messy just like anyone else on these shows (or irl) but he is trying and that ultimately is what matters. But despite that, he still does slip up and he still is a demon with darker desires and he is still cursed with constant guilt and sometimes all he wants is to stop feeling bad for what he did and after his time with Buffy, he knows what that feels like to be able to let go and part of him doesn’t care about the consequences. That knowledge is part of what tortured him so much in Amends and also the key reason why he went to Darla in Reprise. Because for just a moment, he wanted to not have to feel the darkness anymore, no matter the cost

[marvellousinternethideout]

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Season 2

Ep 10 - What's My Line (Part 2)

So, where were we, oh right, a new vampire slayer, Kendra.

Oh so that part is right there's supposed only one and now there is two(possibly two)

Oh snap, I forgot about angel, someone save this guy.

Yes Buffy back off, Kendra is hotter than you .

OHHHHH, buffy died, right, yeah, so that's why Kendra is here.

Finally, tell them where is angel.

Wait, wtf, someone kill this janitor. Oh cmon now spike, find other vampires to bother .

Oh yeah, Jesus I forgot that Cordelia let this monster inside. Run, RUN Cordelia and Xander.

Yes, Xander gets it, Time to Run.

Dont trust the janitor.

B: "I don't listen, I do things my way", Kendra: "No wonder you died". BITCH the way I chortled, Lmao Kendra, youre hilarious.

Gonna say, no matter how cringey, Drusilla's acting is damn God.

I love dorky Willow.

We are gonna meet OZ again now are we ?

Lmao Giles found his match.

Buffy, you can never have normal life.

Xander and Cordelia are gonna kiss now aren't they...

I love when they fight, the tension, the build up. The sex is gonna be absolutely epic.

Yesssssss OZ!!!

Willow: "Your hair is brown", Oz: "Yeah.. Sometimes". LMAOOO I love them so much.

Also, who says the first thing that your hair is brown, only our willow.

Oz is my spirit animal, "I am not work kind of person or any kind". I get you.

I love their interactions, they are so dorky and nerdy. My kinda people.

WTF, CMON NOW, AGAIN! Stop shooting.

OZ JUST JUMPED IN FRONT OF WILLOW. LET ME REPEAT. HE JUMPED IN FRONT OF BULLET FOR WILLOW. AKHDHDIJSNM MY HEART 😭😭😭. BYE.

Two women fighting, my bi-panic

"Damn that guy got a major neck in his days", LMAO Xander.

"but nobody messes with my boyfriend ", Damn buffy. See this is what I am talking about. The superior ship.

No offense or anything but Angel deserves whatever Drusilla is/will do to him for what he did to her.

Now they are flirting instead of fighting, how long before they fuck.

Angel stop riling them up.

Angel is bragging too much, bro spike is gonna fuck buffy so calm down buddy.

Is Angel gonna die or like die but not really? Like maybe they will complete the ritual and angel will lose his soul.

Buffy really is a would.

I kinda want the Drusilla to wake up again. I want them to complete the ritual.

Why is spike is funny and Kendra hot.

I love when women fight.

DAMN BUFFY.

Yesss Kendra kill them for ruining your fav shirt. Priorities.

Did they complete the ritual?.

Why am I disappointed that they saved the angel?

OH HEY, OZ.

I love when their interaction so much.

"You have the sweetest the smile I've ever seen" OZ MY GUY😭😭😭😭😭

Their interactions oh my God 💕💕😭

Xander and Cordelia are back at it again.

X: "It never happened", C: "Good", X: "Good"; they kisses again. Good going.

I hope we see Kendra again.

Drusilla is alive against isn't she... YESSSS!!!

YESS and carrying spike like a badass.

Alright, I loved this episode, especially the second half. The first half was a little slow and I was wondering if it would be able to match up to the last episode and alas it did.

The two hot women fighting bad guys, what more can you ask for. The ultimate dream. Angel, angel, angel, you deserve whatever Drusilla does/do to you. You've literally ruined everything for her, I am sorry but I am on her side. I mean buffy saved you because she loves you but like you would've deserved to die by her hands.

Oh my Drusilla is alive again. Lmao I am really excited for that. Like, if we're gonna support morally grey guys then were supporting woman turned villain too. It's fair. So yeah this is "I support Drusilla in whatever she will do to Angel" Club.

So they saved angel in the end, which was nice, kendra is gone now, hopefully I'll see her again.

Now, my Babies, my OTP Oz and Willow, bitch we finally have them, they're interacting, they're talking, they're laughing, they're becoming friends, yess bitch, I am here for it. Their interactions *Kill me*, they're so nerdy and so cute, soulmate type shit. I know how they end up which is bittersweet and I am gonna cry eventually but you know what i will live in denial and in my head they end up married. Thank you.

I guess, that's it, I am really excited for Drusilla.

See ya in next one, cheers 🥂.

[we-pay-for-everything]

For the salty ask list, #8, #9, #17

Hi! You didn't specify a fandom, so I'll stick to the Buffyverse to be safe!

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?*

Many times! Sometimes when I share a particularly "hot take", I get asks disagreeing with me and not very politely. I can't even remember them tbh but they insult my intelligence, I guess? Or my character? Dunno, they don't get to me at all. Sometimes hate asks are followed by asks expressing support for me, so.... <3

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Spike? Honestly, he's not the character I've ever hated the most, I just don't like him. It's not that he's an asshole, though he is, but it's that in keeping him around the show became increasingly more absurd and morally compromised (!= morally grey!!!) - tbh, it happened with Anya (and Andrew) to an extent as well, though I like her. I think the writing for Spike could be really stupid - I still don't get what the fuck the chip was supposed to be -, and I grew bored of him in seasons 6 and 7. It's weird to think that Dawn and Joyce became friends with a remorseless killer and that a teenage girl was allowed to hang out with a grown-ass man with a body count who, unlike Angel, didn't actually regret killing people. Spike fucks up the soul canon too, which was never solid to begin with. And I really dislike him in season 7, in particular, when he's supposed to be a "good guy" yet shows no compassion to anyone but Buffy, whom he isolates and guilt-trips into depending on him.

This is petty, but I also kinda dislike how everyone likes him, lmao. It's gets annoying sometimes... But, seriously, I can't forgive the Angel writers for giving him a role in season 5. Angel was supposed to be a Spike-free safe zone for me...

There are tons of characters I dislike. I can't even name them all! I guess one is enough, right?

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

Writing fanfiction is not my thing, I am not creative! But building off of what I said, I think the chip storyline was nonsense, particularly when it fucked with the soul canon. Perhaps the writers should've gotten rid of it back in season 4, or at least in season 5 - they kept it way too long, but I guess they had no other way of making Spike an honorary Scoobie. Also, I would not have had Spike in season 5 of Angel. Cordelia deserved to be in the last season. Fuck Joss Whedon.

Moving on to more important things, the dumbification of Angel post-Epiphany and up to season 4 is my least favorite part of Angel. As someone who loves Angel (the character), with all her heart, he became a stranger to me. Angel's so insanely OOC in the late half of season 2 and in season 3 that I just pretend most of those episodes don't exist. I don't care for any post-Epiphany season 2 episode. The writers really blew what would otherwise have been a perfect season - TV excellence. The complete and abrupt shift in tone, the lackluster conclusion to Darla's arc, the absolute mess they did of wrapping up Angel's arc (he went from dark to hyper in an episode and all nuance was lost), the filler episodes like Disharmony and the weird Pylea arc, etc. - all of it was so disappointing and sloppy on the writers part; it's like they gave up on the storyline instead of seeing it through. Still, Angel himself was the most disappointing of all. His descent into madness and darkness had been so horrifying to watch - so shocking and fascinating, yet relatable and human-, but the writers just had to fuck it all up when they didn't allow him to "revert" back to himself, to redeem himself and grow from his mistakes, naturally. He should've grappled more with what he'd done, and struggled more to readjust to society. He should've fought harder to regain his friends' trust and his place in Angel's Investigations. He should've spent more time reflecting on the choices and beliefs that led him to betraying himself and losing faith in his future. He should've struggled to reconcile his past with what he'd learned and knew he needed to do in the future. The way Angel perceived himself, humanity and redemption changed and that's no small thing. Growth isn't linear - there are many ups and downs, yet Angel faced very few obstacles after his great epiphany. The dynamics between the A.I gang completely changed too when he went off the rails and it would've been interesting to explore that more, to bring Angel back into the fold slower - I cannot stand dumb Angel buying Cordelia clothes and acting goofy. Sadly, in season 3, we get even more goofy Angel. That's why I try to forget season 3 existed with the exceptions of Heartthrob, the Darla arc, and most episodes post-Loyalty (excluding Tomorrow). Thank fuck for season 4 - it turned Angel back into an interesting character at least. Oh, and this probably goes without saying, but I never would've made Cangel a thing at all. Considering Wesley's decision to kidnap Connor mid-season 3, they should've explored his and Angel's friendship more, as well as his friendship with Cordelia.

Anyway, I said more than I thought I would. (Don't I always?) Thanks for the ask!!

[zalrb]

Hey Zal, I know you've always talked about how Buffy is a great show and how many shows try to be like it and if it's not too much can you please discuss Buffy impact on TV as a whole

Lol

They even watch "Surprise" in the Fault is in Our Stars, which is literally the only thing I remember about that movie.

But anyway. Well, there are a lot of articles and in fact entire academic theses on how BTVS changed television, there are many interviews about it too:

“Russell T Davies said that he used Buffy as a model for when he was rebranding Doctor Who, because [Buffy creator] Joss Whedon was the first person to actually say you can have genuine comedy and life-changing events happening on the turn of a dime.

“You could laugh in one moment and be terrified the next moment, and the two emotions actually complement each other.

“Joss was also very keen to make sure that every event had a repercussion. Nothing happened without it having a follow through. He changed the face of sci-fi TV as a genre, I think, completely.”

This impact can be as obvious as the television shows that Buffy very clearly inspired: for one, Veronica Mars. Like Miss Summers before her, Veronica was a small blonde with a quick wit, kicking ass and taking names in a fictional California town that was a magnet for demons (this time metaphorical), darkness, and danger. Even without knowing about showrunner Rob Thomas’ reported appreciation for Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the connection between the two shows is unmissable. They even share some of the same actors, with both Alyson Hannigan (Willow on Buffy) and Charisma Carpenter (Cordelia on Buffy and Angel) appearing as recurring characters on Veronica Mars after their stints on Buffy the Vampire Slayer had ended.

Uh, but two things I will say, though, is its use of Metaphorical Monsters and Dialogue had great impacts.

So Metaphorical Monsters: Buffy sleeps with Angel who loses his soul and becomes Angelus and torments everyone around her = I slept with a guy and now he's mean to me.

In Lie To Me, the Monster of the Week is an old friend of hers who has a brain tumour and wants to be turned into a vampire to live forever so she feels different about killing him once he becomes a vampire and so the emotional crux/arc of the episode is Buffy growing up and decisions become less black and white and more nuanced and layered and muddled.

The Metaphorical ___ is now a kind of staple in television. Shonda employs it in all of her shows, every Grey's Anatomy case, every Private Practice case, every Scandal case reflects the emotional lives of the main characters.

The dialogue, the witty, snarky, pop culture heavy, back-and-forth, pithy dialogue, I mean, BTVS wasn't the first to do it, Scream had come out before BTVS, Dawson's Creek came out while BTVS was in its second run and KW wrote for both Scream and DC, but there is a certain charm to Buffyspeak to point that it's known as Buffyspeak and then you get shows like Gilmore Girls etc.

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Wednesday 15th December

SPIKE: You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated. Angelus: What do you know about it? I'm the one who was friggin' violated. You didn't have this thing in you. DRUSILLA: What was it? A demon? Angelus: Love! DRUSILLA: Poor Angel. Angelus: Let's get outta here. I need a real vile kill before sunup to wipe this crap out of my system. DRUSILLA: Of course. We'll find you a nice toddler. (to Spike) Want to come, pet? Angelus: No can do, Dru. I'm sure he'd be hell on wheels, but we don't have much time. (to Spike) Gotta travel light. (puts his hands on Spike's shoulders) Sorry. Try to have fun without me. (they exit) SPIKE: Oh, I will. (gets out of the wheel chair) Sooner than you think.

~~I Only Have Eyes for You ~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

On Patrol (Buffy, PG) by badly_knitted

The Wooden Box (Giles/Buffy, Mature) by Dynapink

Joy To The World (Tara/Willow, Teen and Up) by Laragh

Propinquity (Giles/Buffy, Teen and up) by froxyn

[Chaptered Fiction]

overcome in this war of hearts 1/3 (Spike/Buffy, Mature) by Krewlak

Soul Swap, Chapter 24 (Buffy/Spike, R) by ZombieRed

Use It or Lose It, Chapter 10 (Spike/Buffy, NC-17) by Dynamite

Chosen One, Chapter 13 (Buffy/Spike, R) by all_choseny

Stolen Moments, Chapter 3 (Spike/Buffy, NC-17) by Feanix88

Hot chocolate and marshmallows, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Tennsters

A Son's Love, Chapter 4 (Spike/Buffy, R) by Fancyflautist

All But One, Chapter 6 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Jws1993

Live, Learn, & Get Love , Chapter 1 (Spike/Buffy, NC-17) by honeygirl51885

Broken Chain (Connor, Dawn, AtS/BtVS ensembles, FR-18) by McQueen

Merry's Secret 3/? (Xander, Crossover with Merry Gentry series, FR-15) by calikocat

Into the Limelight (Connor, AtS/BtVS Ensemble, FR-18) by McQueen

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork:The (Fanged) Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (SFW) by idabbleincrazy

Artwork:Merry Chaosmas! (SFW) by thatcomesandstaysfire

Artwork:🔫 ATS 102. Lonely Hearts 👼 (SFW) by tmcarlee

[Reviews & Recaps]

PODCAST: Buffy Boys 139 - A Heavy Past (S07E17) - LMPTM by Buffy Boys Podcast

PODCAST: 7.04 Help by Buffering the Vampire Slayer

[Community Announcements]

The Headline Awards are still looking for a few more brave souls to join us as judges for Headline this year. If you love and want to support the creators of our little fandom, you are just who we’re looking for! by headlineawards

[Fandom Discussions]

Comparison of patterns in genre shows by nileqt87

Do you believe what Angel does for Darla in The Trial? by Mr Trick

Season 1 Buffy hair and outfits will never not have a place in my heart ♥️ by Throwaway-0364

What season had the best cast? by dthurst20

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[takaraphoenix]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 4

1. Favorite character of this season?

Spike. I loved him as the villain in seasons prior, but this is the start of slowly turning good Spike and especially this whacky in-between phase is such a delight. He's clearly not good, but he still involuntarily helps some. Also, lots of tied up Spike, which is a nice visual (sue me).

I love his dynamic with Willow, it's weird. I loooved when he was living with Giles, I adore the snark that goes on between those two, the banter is delightful. Him living with Xander was so much fun. I just really enjoy his journey and season 4 in particular is such a wild ride there.

2. Outstanding minor character (positive or negative)?

HARMONY KENDALL. I love Harmony. I think Harm is an underrated character. Honestly, I mean I am going beyond season 4 here but – she stays herself? She is a vampire, but she is still Harmony. If anything, becoming a vampire actually improved her. Everyone loses their soul and turns into careless killers, she learns self-help books, gets out of an abusive relationship and learns her own worth. Especially under this universe's premise of what vampires are supposed to be and what the bite is supposed to do to a human, I find her character development absolutely fascinating!

3. Favorite character dynamic?

It really is Spike and Giles. What they have is so peculiar, it is peak snarky banter, it is so much fun to watch. In a season I overall didn't like much because of the military nonsense, this was an utter delight and one of the things that still made me love it in a way.

4. Favorite canon romantic ship?

TARA/WILLOW. MY FIRST CANON LESBIANS.

And look, I will not be that easily baited with canon gays generally, but... these two? They were the first lesbians I got to see on screen as a child. The first. They shaped me fundamentally, they mean so much to me on a much deeper level for that because they really were the first time I saw that a girl can like a girl, that a girl doesn't have to like a guy.

Willow's storyline means so much to me, because you can taste the heteronormativity in her early upbringing, everything about her – including Xander and Oz – makes perfect sense to me, as a lesbian who grew up in a heteronormative world. And the gentle, curious manner in which she came out and how she fell in love with Tara, the way those two just... came together, it means so much to me because it meant so much to me growing up.

5. Least favorite canon romantic ship?

Honestly, Riley and Buffy. I just... I care a negative amount about this and considering the fandom discussion is always Buffy/Angel vs Buffy/Spike, I gather the majority of fandom doesn't quite care either. It's just... so boring and plain most of the time? And actively not my cup of tea the rest of the time – when he goes full Good Military Soldier Boi.

6. Favorite episode?

The favorite episode this season was 04x09 Something Blue – it is just... whacky and fun and it gave me my first Spuffy aesthetic. But in a fun way. I really love this episode, there is no evil to fight, just a spell gone wrong with hilarious outcomes.

7. Least favorite episode?

So I have this rating system, where I rate every individual episode something from 1 – really forgettable or really cringey – to 5 – outstandingly favorite episode. Season 1 had one episode in it that was a 1 for me, season 2 had three such episodes, season 3 had four, but season 4 actually has ten of them so that's a bit too much to list them all. There just are too many episodes I didn't enjoy in this season and it greatly links to the fact that I hate the overarching villain of this season – usually the 1 rated episodes end up being dumb filler episodes.

So... I guess the worst offender is the one where they make Oz, of all characters, cheat and then have the morally offended Willow, who had cheated first. I mean, her cheating on Oz does certainly not justify that he cheats on her, but the hypocrisy of it was still very over the top. I really hate that this is how they ended that relationship and that this is how they write Oz out of the show, by making him cheat on her because the animalistic draw is too strong. What a load of crap that was.

8. Favorite Monster Of The Week?

The Gentlemen were delightfully creepy and weird one-off villains who gave their episode such a different flare, it is one of my favorites definitely and they are some of my favorite Buffy villains.

9. Least favorite Monster Of The Week?

I do think another weakness of this season is it's lack of good Monsters Of The Week.

I mean, seriously, this is the season where a bitch demon roommate is trying to steal Buffy's soul? A Poltergeist triggered by Riley/Buffy fucking too much, I mean seriously? A barkeeper who turns people into Neanderthals with beer... And that's not mentioning the awkward Thanksgiving episode where they have a moral dilemma over whether or not the vengeful native American warrior spirit ought to be killed or not because he kinda has a point you know. There aren't many one-off monsters in this season and the majority of them are... not impressive, really.

But I guess if I'd have to pick one, it'd be the “Buffy's sexuality is bad!” episode then. Aka, Buffy and Riley fuck so much that they awaken a Poltergeist, indirectly shaming Buffy once again for her sexuality. Which. Not a good look, you know. Also, just really weird concept there.

10. Rate the overarching villain!

Sucks. Seriously. Every villain is somehow engaging or has something about them that makes them interesting, but the Initiative? It's just the military with its blind, obedient soldier boys who don't question jackshit, which really does account for 50% of the trouble in this season. Walsh could have been a great villain but she was offed barely after being revealed to be a bad guy and then her version of Frankenstein's monster becomes to actual endgame villain and literally nothing about Adam is interesting or appealing or engaging. He ponders philosophical questions, but not in a manner that has you trying to hash them out alongside him, it is awkward and tedious to watch.

Bonus: Other thoughts?

It's just an overall relatively awkward... adjustment phase. I understand that. Seasons 1 to 3 were the high school phase with set roles for everyone. Seasons 5 to 7 are the adult phases. And season 4 is that figuring yourself out season – Giles is without a job, not sure if he is still a watcher, Willow comes to terms with being a lesbian, Oz leaves to figure out the wolf inside of him, Xander goes from job to job not knowing where he fits in, Buffy struggles with where she wants to land in life, Spike is somewhere in the middle between helpful and villain. But if everyone including the overarching plot are 'somewhere in the middle', the entire thing becomes... muddled and awkward.

[nevergonnabemuchmorethanweather]

The People vs. Xander Harris (part 1)

Season 1: He doesn’t do anything too terrible in season 1. He’s still shitty, but in a normal teenage boy sort of way and not a ‘what the fuck is wrong with this guy’ way.

Season 2:

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered: To punish Cordelia for the terrible crime of breaking up with him, he blackmails Amy into performing a love spell on her, solely so that he can be the one to reject her instead of the other way around. The spell ends up hitting every girl except Cordelia, almost gets both her and Buffy killed, almost turns a bunch of other girls into murderers, and causes Willow and Buffy to humiliate themselves. Some fucking how, the episode ends with Cordelia coming back to him, Buffy telling him what a great guy he is for not raping her, no retaliation from Amy, and even Willow is fine with him by the next episode. What the fuck?

Passion: Is a complete dick to Buffy about Angelus. Says point blank that he should get credit for not being a complete dick sooner because he hated Angel from the beginning. Keep in mind that he wasn’t against Buffy dating Angel because he had any idea whatsoever that Angel could or would lose his soul. He was jealous. That’s it. And now he’s saying ‘I told you so’, even though he didn’t, to his supposed best friend while she’s being stalked by the demonic remains of her first love and using her guilt over Jenny’s death to get away with it.

Becoming parts 1-2: Uses Jenny’s death against Buffy again to shame her for wanting to restore Angel’s soul. This is not because he actually gave a fuck about Jenny or because there’s any logic at all in what he’s saying. He didn’t, and there’s not. Giles, the only person there who actually loved Jenny, is on board with restoring Angel’s soul because it was Jenny’s last wish, Angel didn’t choose to lose his soul and it’s not his fault that he did, and he would rather Buffy not have to kill the man she loves. Willow, who was directly targeted and terrorized by Angelus in a way that Xander never was, also wants to do the spell. 

And Xander, of all people, should not be advocating that people are responsible for what they do when their humanity is suppressed and they’re possessed by a darker entity without their consent, because if that’s true, he’s an attempted rapist and a sadistic bully and neither of his best friends should want anything to do with him.

Then, when Willow decides to do the spell anyway and asks him to tell Buffy so that she can plan accordingly, he agrees to do so and then lies. If you want to be extremely optimistic about his motivations and ignore all the petty, hateful behavior that’s come before this, maybe he really thought knowing would only get in Buffy’s way and that’s the only reason he didn’t tell her.

Unfortunately, it is in no way his place to unilaterally decide what Buffy does and does not need to know. He’s not the one fighting. He’s not the one doing the spell. He’s not her father or her Watcher or in any position to decide he knows better than her or better than Willow, and he still flagrantly betrayed both their trust. So best case scenario, he’s still an arrogant, lying, disrespectful, untrustworthy shithead.

[owl-quill]

Random thoughts after re-watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel

Probably doesn’t make much sense if you’re not familiar, has more negatives than positives, and brings up homophobia and misogyny, so under a cut.

I like Monster of the Week episodes better than everything being centered on the next Apocalypse. I don't mean everything returning to the status quo ante, it's cool when the MotW episodes have consequences, too, but... *shrugs* Also, one near-apocalypse after the other just gets boring. I've also seen at least a dozen seasons of Supernatural, so I think I'm qualified to have an opinion. :D

I like early series BtVS better than late series, for the most part. Might be related.

Derek was bad enoug, but Caleb SUCKED. You really don't have to have your villain holding misogynistic speeches. The viewer still has to LISTEN to all of them, and I found it vile to listen to. To generalise: If there is a villain who is killed at the end, I'd rather feel satisfaction that he's killed than relief that I don't have to see them any more.

Spike is messed up, but I've seen him as partly comic relief since his first scene. The getup and the music and the way his entrance to Sunnydale was filmed was just so... trying way too hard for "Bad Boy". I like the snark, and the dynamic he and Angel have later in Angel the series.

Giles's deadpan snark is also delicious.

The BtVS series finale... I would have much preferred if Annoying Andrew had died and Anya had lived.

I think the part that aged worst is the way LGB stuff was dealt with. Lesbians are kinda OK because women kissing is hot, guys being gay is for losers so guys finding guys attractive only comes up as a joke, and the concept of being bisexual is not really acknowledged. Like, I got the impression Willow was actually attracted to Oz and Xander before falling in love with Tara, so she looks more bisexual than lesbian; Xander was the butt of "lol, he finds that guy attractive" jokes several times, so he comes across as bi but in the closet/possibly in denial to me. Andrew was written as gay for Derek when he was a villain, but attracted to women later. ugh.

Also the thing where "magic" was a stand-in for "same-sex relationship" at first and "addictive drug" later was... pure shit, really

I don't understand why Angel's curse had a clause that allowed him to lose his soul again. It's dangerous...

Buffy and Spike was a mess,  but it was nice to see them consider extended cuddling as more meaningful than sex. :D

Oz was awesome, and I'm sad he wasn't in the series for longer.

I think my favourite scene over the whole two series is the finale of BtVS season 2, when it's revealed the Scoobies have armed the entire school

Angel the series has a real problem with the habit of treating women as disposable wombs, to be discarded to bring or after bringing something else into the world. First Darla, then Cordelia, and then, metaphorically speaking, Fred. The last one was more of an infection, so a uterus was not actually required!

That said, I liked Illyria more than I thought I would, at least after she found her army dead. Also some impressive acting by Amy Acker

The last season of Angel felt a little like they originally expected the series to last longer, and they had to move quickly to get everything in they wanted. But it wasn't nearly as egregious as Grimm, which only got a half season and, well, this thread isn't about Grimm. Anyway, maybe they just went with that pace because they wanted to.

I liked Lorne a lot. Maybe partly because he always looked like he was weraling lipstick and eyeshadow.

I doubt this was the last time I watched those.

But now I have to decide what to use as background noise for drawing next...

[mj-spooks]

Alright, judging by how successful that last Harry Potter experimental question was, Buffy's scooby gang, as a Leverage Crew? Is it too simple to say Buffy as a hitter and Giles as a mastermind?

Which version of the gang are we talking here? Can I go across the whole series? Season 1 only? All Stars? Fuck it I’m cherry picking because THAT’S HOW WE DO.

So, Giles is absolutely on the money. He’s the Mastermind, no doubt. He’s the watcher, he trains the others (mostly Buffy and Faith, but let’s be real, he trains all of them in their own way), he’s the one that works things out, leads research parties, comes up with plans. He’s the Mastermind, at least at first. Like Nate, he graduates out of that position (although I think the others sort of share it after he steps down, rather than one person picking it up).

But Buffy’s not the hitter.

Buffy is the grifter.

Think about it. Pretty, blonde, posterchild for popularity. She’s charismatic. She’s endearing.  You like her. You’d probably do anything she asked you to. She’s an an excellent liar, a brilliant actor. She plays the part. The only reason she doesn’t have Sunnydale wrapped around her fucking finger is because all the bullshit with demons and vampires is Too Obvious for no one to ever notice how weird she is. If they could be even slightly more subtle, or pick slightly more convenient times to get up to their nonsense, no one would ever suspect she was anything but what she looks like.

No, the hitter? That’s Faith. And yes, I’m counting her as a Scooby. My girl got done dirty, alright. Granted, she did some people pretty dirty as well. But she was a teenage girl with a really shitty childhood, and I’m not one to use the shitty childhood as a get out of jail free card (get it), but dude. Dude. Every single thing that could’ve gone wrong for her, did. And every time the team had a chance to prove she could trust them, they fucked it up. Mostly Wesley fucked it up, but let’s not go there. And did I mention she was a teenage girl? Also, it helps that she was only Properly Evil for like, a few months, after which she was in a coma, and was Properly Evil for all of five minutes before deciding “Actually I just wanna be Buffy,” because guess what, she never WANTED to be the bad guy-

I’m getting off topic. The point is. Faith is the brawn, alright? Post-Faith, I guess that position goes to Spike, who let’s face it, is basically Buffy’s backup/guard dog from the moment he realizes he can still kill demons, and especially after his big “Oh shit I love the slayer” realization. For the record, bad decisions being made by an ostensibly helplessly evil soulless monster aside, no one EVER had Buffy’s back like Spike did. Not a single damn person. Fucking fight me. Every. Single. Other. Person. Let her down. Constantly. Or they were never in a positoin to properly have her back in the first place. The one time he really did screw it up, he realized how fucked up he was, and went off and got a fucking soul for her, so basically

Riley, for the record, is not a Hitter and does NOT count as a Scooby, because screw that guy. Also while I’m on the subject, screw Xander, because the episode where Riley leaves and Xander gives Buffy the “you’re the bad guy” speech sits so fucking wrong with me, and Xander goddamn Harris can get fucking bent. I’m still off topic, I know, I know. Sorry, I just. I have VERY STRONG OPINIONS ABOUT BUFFY.

ANYWAY. Willow is the hacker, big fucking shock. She’s... she’s literally a hacker, okay. Even when she stops being all computer-y and starts being all witch-y, her approach to witchcraft is... is to hack it. She hacks magic. Literally. That’s what gets her in so much trouble with it, because she’s too fucking good at cheating the system. It’s how she brought Buffy back. She’s the goddamned Hacker. Age. Of. The. Fucking. Geek. Baby.

Thief............ hmph. I don’t know?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

See, the thing is, basically all of the properly involved Scoobies had to steal something at one point or another, all with basically the same level of success, so... wait.

Okay. No. The thief is Dawn.

She’s literally a thief! She steals from everybody all the goddamned time! With varying degrees of success, sure. But if she was actually trained at it, she’d be better than all of them. She’s the only Little Sibling out of the bunch (Well, okay, Tara had an older brother, but her homelife was so fucked she has Very Different Younger Sister energy than Dawn). She has a specific talent for it that I bet would serve her well if she was actually trained. I honestly at this point have read so much fanfic that I cannot for the life or me remember if canon!Spike ever helped teach her to knick stuff or if that’s just widely accepted fanon!Spike because people love that dynamic (as they should, it’s great). I’m doing a rewatch but... uh... I kinda stopped partway through S5 because I’m like four episodes away from The Body and gods I just can’t take it. Point being, I dunno if that’s legit or not. BUT. If it were legit, and she was taught how to steal, she’d be great at it.

I guess Spike is kind of also the thief. But he’s also the only one of the scoobies that’s properly been a villain (I’m not counting Faith or Willow’s brief insanity, and Angel isn’t the villain, Angelus is, so...), so naturally he’s got the shady skills. He can kind of grift and mastermind, too, except he’s too impatient for it, which is why he ends up stuck as a hitter most of the time. Everything else is too slow for his ass. See, the entirety of S2.

For fun, under the cut, the remaining scoobies and what position they’re best suited for:

Xander: Hitter??? He’s not got the super strength and he’s kind of played for laughs, but there was that whole bit where he had the tactical training from his brief stint as GI Joe in the Halloween episode. He’s a decent tactician, which is kind of the hitter’s job. I bet that if the wasn’t so busy feeling inferior to Buffy and he actually like. Trained. He could be a decent fighter.

Cordelia: Straight fucking grifter. Which she proves plenty of times on Angel. It’s extra great because she basically IS Sophie, what with the whole “can grift like a boss but put her on stage and she’s terrible” bit. She’s also a decent mastermind, also showcased on Angel. She whips him into shape from day one, and is the only thing that keeps AI running half the time. Also not unlike Sophie. Honestly Cordelia is my favorite character from the OG cast. She deserved better.

Angel: Mastermind. He’s got all of Angelus’ brains, remember, just not necessarily any reason to use them. He’s smart, though, and definitely good at planning. He’s also really into knowing the most and keeping his cards close to his chest. The parallels with Nate are a little strong, honestly, because he also has that whole... guilty conscience spiraling downward holier than thou thing going on. And yes, I do ship him and Cordy, thanks for asking.

Oz: Hacker! Not a lot of people really remember this, since his prominent character traits were “In a band”, “Willow’s boyfriend”, and “werewolf”. Plus there’s the whole flunked-senior-year plot point which I honestly think they did just to keep him around. But the first time Oz actually properly interacted with Willow was because they’d both gotten singled out for their badass computer skills on career day. He’s very nearly as good as her.

Anya: Grifter. I mean, the whole vengeance demon schtick relies on the grift. She’s very good at it. Which, she ought to be, she’s been doing it for over a thousand years. It’s sort of hilarious though because it seems like the second she loses her powers, she also loses her ability to blend in. I think that’s likely because she’s used to short term cons, and running the long con that is being human again is more difficult. Still, this is where she shines.

Riley: He doesn’t count because I kinda hate him. But fine if you wanna go there. Hitter. He doesn’t deserve the title though because Eliot is both brains and brawn and Riley can’t think his way out of a paper sack without someone giving him directions, and even then it’s dicey.

Tara: This one is super hard for me! I can’t see her as any of the actual team positions. I suppose the one skill she displays would be grifting, since she does try to hide her identity as a supposed demon from the others for a while before her birthday comes up. But honestly I see her less as a member of the crew and more as a Maggie. Voice of reason, moral high ground, not putting up with shenanigans if she can help it... yeah. Tara’s the Maggie. Every crew needs one.

[mrsmess]

Faves and fails of SPN (season 10)

Favorite episodes (in chronological order):

10:2 Reichenbach - Of course I like the Cole-storyline, it’s been a long time coming, but he’s so short Sam’s taller than him sitting down! Not that I’m complaining. I’m not hating this. I feel like this rewatch became Sam’s about midway through season 8 and that still holds. Samstel in distress fends pretty well for himself. Also loving Cass, and even Hannah. And Dean is an asshole but at least he kills Lester.

10:5 Fan fiction - Well, obviously this goes on the list. Love this crap. The boys are a lot of fun. And all the girls are awesome.

10:6 Ask Jeeves - anything Bobby related, y’know? And now we know the show’s back to normal, when Sam insists ”being a monster is a choice” and Dean comes blasting through the door with the categorical excessive violence. Ah. Supernatural.

10:7 Girls, girls, girls - sexworkers hustling for souls - brilliant. And Rowena! Is she modelled after Morticia? Anyway she gets quite an introduction, instantly into her. And Crowley dislikes getting tangled w the prostitution ring. Dean’s closing speech to Cole - pretty frickin’ strong.

10:8 Hibbing 911 - Jody and Donna and Alex on the phone. That is all I care about.

10:9 The things we left behind - And now another Wayward daughter! Claire! And Cass being cute. Sam’s hairography. ”Tell me it was them or you!” Well... kind of? And they certainly had it coming.

10:12 About a boy - Dean is appropriately haunted by what happened w Charlie and it’s bleeding into his performance. He gets transformed into his tween self. I like this actor. Omg! Tween!Dean ranting and adult!Sam listening - adorable.

10:14 The executioner’s song - now that’s an intro. Dean bashing Sam’s true crime fad. I’m with ya, Dean! Why would someone w their lives be into serial killers? Cain is looking goooood. And Sam acting like everything’s gonna be okay but knowing differently.

10:15 The things they carried - kudos to the show for not abandoning the Cole storyline. Also fresh monster time, albeit not my favorite monster (it’s a little silly) but still. The possibility of failure catching up w Sam.

10:16 Paint it black - omg! Sydney from Legion! Love her. And Dean relating to her. Love that. Finally some more info on Rowena. Dean in confession. My heart!

10:17 Inside man - Bobby! Barefoot Sam! ”How’d you sleep?” ”Like a drunk baby.” A mime that is secretly a cockroach. That is the story, goshdarnit! But I hate that Sam’s not being frank w Dean about what he’s doing. That’s usually Dean’s mo. Boooh. But I like him and Cass working together. But I hate lonely, self-destructive Dean. But Bobby! But poor Dean! I’m in pain. Okay ultimately it goes on the fave list because things start moving w Crowley and because of Bobby’s jailbreak. ”Dean doesn’t know we’re doing this.” ”Well, that’s a page ripped right outta the Winchester hand book, ain’t it?” I miss him so much. And Dean and Crowley talking. And Bobby’s reaction to Metatron. Lol.

10:18 Book of the damned - ”Can I kill him now?” Oh Cass. I get it. Metatron is like that person who rubs everyone the wrong way, and for no apparent reason, but all powerful. Nightmare. Dean coming clean! Charlie! Mysterious artefact! Thin Lizzy! The brothers dreaming about the beach. Diciplined, deliberate, contained and soft-spoken Dean is adorable. ”What is your mission now, Castiel?” The Winchesters obviously. Charlie and Sam talking about the life <3 Cass finding his grace! Cass and Charlie meeting! Behind Blue Eyes!What time is it? It’s time to spin the intrigue wheel! Deal with darkness it is!

10:20 Angel heart - Claire is back. Oh Cass. Never change. Dean and Claire playing miniature golf. I’m rly annoyed thinking about the Novak-family priorities: Jimmy went like: sure I’ll be a vessel, it’s not like my family needs me. And Amelia went like: I’ll go look for my vessel-husband, Claire will be fine on her own. And then they’re together in dumbass-heaven. And Dean, Sam and Cass leaving Claire to fend for her half Dead mother. They can’t do anything quite right, huh? Still, it gets to stay on the fave list because of Claire. Poor baby.

Worst episodes (in chronological order):

10:4 Paper Moon - Gosh, I’m instantly seeing the upside of Demon!Dean: They’re gonna make this shallow guilt-tripping last the entire season, aren’t they? Watching the Lester-storyline put into a flashback-collage like that; The Winchesters? More like the two Stooges. And ”You killed your boyfriend’s best friend!” Are you being dumb on purpose? Were you asleep during the movie she left for you?

10:10 The hunter games - Kind of a fix-it episode. I’m a tad tired of these constant lines on human morality taking up time when they are kinda beyond it.

10:13 Halt and catch fire - This is pretty terrible. The ghost is in the wifi! Technology is evil!

10:21 Dark dynasty - As fascinating as the Styne family is, they’re wasted this late. Plus, y’know, the obvious, horrible ending.

10:23 Brother’s keeper - Calling a dead girl ”dressed like a whore” under demonic influence or not, is the quickest way to end up on my nope list. Honestly I felt the tide turning in Dean’s favor but nah. Yeah, Yeah, i get it, he’s losing it, but I’m back on team Sam. My god, these final speeches between the brothers are starting to feel as engaging as ping pong, as well as resemble it. ”Let’s try the same dialogue as we did last season but change places.” And it’s kind of stupid because the subject matter is continually engaging. Also I’m not clear on why Dean had to kill Sam and that’s just, not good.

Honorable mentions:

The relationship between Cass and Hannah has me weak at the knees at times. I rly like it.

Dean and Sam going by Collins and Gabriel in there’s no place like home.

Dean inadvertantly describing himself accurately in the Werther project: ”You’re looking at me like i’m some diseased, killer-puppy.” Lol.

Crowley torturing a guy w darts, and talking to the hamster.

Dishonorable mentions:

I dig Rowena but not her motivations. Or maybe it’s more along the lines of me not liking it. The only power worth having is the power to be free. Everything else just seems like a hassle.

The fact that they don’t try dismembering all monsters and burying the parts seperately- which seems to at least slow down anything- instead of playing along w silly ancient self-fulfilling prophecies ”Cain must be killed w the first blade” Have they learned nothing from Buffy?

Piero the 16th century italian artist preferring bottle blondes.

Things that makes you go hmm:

Soul survivor - Okay. So. If Sam used his own blood to cure Dean - would that count as a trial? He certainly didn’t care about blood types or sanctified blood, or maybe I missed something. Either way, it irks me. Actually, could we skip this whole guilt-trippy demon-cure schtick? What Sam did is n.o.t.h.i.n.g compared to what they’ve done before. And heaven and hell is increasingly unepic- not that I mind. And ”He says he doesn’t want to.” Who cares?? The shit you’ve put each other through for ten seasons; you’re so beyond asking each other for permission.

Summing up:

This is definitely Dean’s season, he gets to be a badass demon as well as show great restraint, my two favorite things. Unfortunately Sam’s behavior is a bit ooc again, he not only shouldn’t have but wouldn’t have kept his work a secret from Dean, he’s more of the earnest, nagging type. Plus, the execution of the season is chaotic and confusing. Probably the lowest ranking season so far.

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 7x01 Lessons

aka redemption, nostalgia, and the circle of storytelling

We did it, guys! We made it to the last season! Also, hello if you’re new, and stumbled upon this without context. As usual, these impromptu text posts are the product of my fevered mind as I rant about the episode I just watched for an hour (okay, sometimes perhaps two). Anything goes!

And in today’s episode it’s the beginning of the end, as it’s relentlessly signaled towards the audience.

I’ll be honest, in the pantheon of Buffy season openers I find Lessons to be somewhat… middling. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a lot of good stuff here, but there are parts of the main storyline that are just frustratingly inconsequential.

Let’s not beat around the bush – I’m mainly talking about Dawn’s new friends here. It’s obvious what the show is doing here, having Dawn form a friendship with two other misfit students and fighting demons on her first day of high school. We’re clearly going back to the beginnings. It’s what the Master aka the First tells us as well. Invoking the show’s very first episode and showing the next generation taking on that mantle.

(Also, that scene of the Fist appearing to Spike as all the Big Bads is still a lot. The music! Drusilla! You got me there, show. You got me right in my nostalgia feels.)

Which is a nice and cool thought. I love that. I love Dawn here. I just wish that the friends she makes actually appeared beyond this one single episode.

Imagine if one of those kids were Cassie! Or Amanda! I know that it’s tough to plan out these kinds of things, but the show’s done it in the past – or at the very least, set up a consistent group of background characters they could always go back to.

There are so many minor characters all over the Buffyverse, who were plucked out of that canvas and had their own little arcs through a few cameos. Think of Chantarelle, Amy, Harmony, or even Jonathan. And these characters weren’t set up to have as big of a role as they eventually got; the writers just saw an opportunity to develop them.

Meanwhile we’ve got these two kids, who this episode codes as part of our new Scooby gang. And we never see them again.

That’s just a bummer.

And it takes away a lot from the main action for me. Again, I like the idea of doing this, going back to high school as the beginning of a new cycle, where life as a teenager is hell… But I also wish I was more invested in the fate of these kids beyond Dawn.

On the plus side, I’m definitely a fan of Prinicipal Wood, and his lack of subtlety when it comes to his involvement with the supernatural. He’s like dropping hints that he knows what’s up, instead of just straight up telling Buffy that his mom was a Slayer. So is it any wonder that it’s getting picked up as shady on Buffy’s end?

He’s doing his best though, guys!! He’s got a lot of mommy issues. Give him a break.

Spike too has his own issues (which we’ll talk about in relation to Robin too). It’s a stark contrast, seeing a newly ensouled Spike here, laughing maniacally at Buffy asking him if he’s real. So are the cuts on his chest, marking his attempts at trying to cut his own heart out.

I don’t feel adequate enough to talk about that in depth. This is self-harm territory. But there’s also obviously something very specific about Spike trying to get at his own heart too in a metaphoric sense. Sure, through the heart is one of the ways a vampire can be killed, but he didn’t try to stake himself.

Spike’s a romantic. It’s one of his core traits that’s followed him through all of his incarnations. Even as a soulless vampire, he was a romantic. Except then, that side of him became twisted. As he was incapable of experiencing love in its entirety, this alter ego of his focused on what was left. Dependence. Obsession. Possession.

Spike as a vampire also reveled in his passions, and so to him violence, sex and love were all the same. They all came from the same place.

It’s no wonder then that the first thing Spike does after getting his soul back is to try and get rid of his heart. The thing that made him do all those things, even before he became a vampire.

Discussing redemption on Buffy is interesting to me, because this isn’t the show where that’s a central motive. Those stories happen over at Angel.

So, from that perspective, seeing how Willow’s story is handled here makes complete sense to me.

You know, I’ve read the hot takes about how Willow should be facing more consequences for her actions. But let me ask you this: what could possibly be worse for Willow than losing Tara?

Here’s another: how would punishing her be helpful?

And if your answer is “because murder should be punished because we live in a society”, that’s a good point. It is indeed how most of our society functions. For a reason.

But the show has been proposing for many seasons now, that normal societal rules don’t always apply in Buffy’s world. As a result, Buffy herself is positioned as the one with the power to decide how to handle any situation. Something that Faith already tells her in season 3; but Buffy rejects that idea then. At that time, she hasn’t even severed her ties with the Council yet, and was unprepared for that level of responsibility.

The Buffy of season 7 however not only recognizes her power, but embraces it. She is the law.

Which means that she can set her own principals and examples outside of society. And you can call Buffy self-righteous or whatever anyway you want, but she was never one for punishments.

Buffy always protects. If there’s a threat, she fights it, and if it’s neutralized, she lets it go. That’s why she never killed Spike after he was chipped. That’s why she didn’t kill Ben.

Buffy’s not vindictive and gives everyone the chance to grow; and in turn, so does the show.

“But… what about Faith?” – you say, predictably. I of course knew you were gonna bring her up. Mostly because you are currently just a voice in my head, arguing with my much more advanced logic.

Ah, yes. Let’s talk about Faith.

Specifically, let’s talk Faith in Consequences.

Hey, remember Consequences? The episode in which Buffy is trying to make Faith face up to her actions while also protecting her? The one where they argue about them being the law, and Buffy rejecting that specifically because Faith posits that they shouldn’t take responsibility for what they do?

More importantly, I want to emphasize this: with the gang, Buffy argues for Faith. She may not have quite embraced her role here yet as the law, but it’s clear where her head is at. She even asks for Angel’s help to keep Faith from becoming a threat.

Faith of course has her own set of issues that pushes her over to the dark side, but that doesn’t become evident for a few more episodes to the rest of the group. And I’d argue that it’s largely due to Buffy that Faith is even welcomed back for that short period of time.

Of course, comparing that to Willow’s murder is still not a good fit. Faith killed someone by accident at that point. Willow was going on a vengeance trip.

So let’s fast-forward to season 4. Where Faith wakes up and the gang doesn’t know how to deal with her.

Now, I criticized Buffy’s approach there, saying that she only seems to be preparing for two options here. Faith is either still a threat that needs to be dealt with, or she regrets her actions, in which case, there’s nothing to worry about.

Faith’s state of mind is of course a bit more complicated than that in the episode, but notice something important. Buffy doesn’t want to fight or punish Faith if it’s not necessary, even though at this point, she definitely did more than enough murder. When they meet, she tells her so. “It doesn’t have to be like this, you know.”

And for Buffy, that’s genuinely true.

After what goes down, Buffy’s pissed at Faith though. And yet we only see that side of Buffy on Angel the series. Where redemption for Faith becomes a central conflict, and one that’s ultimately resolved by her taking responsibility for her actions, and giving herself up to the police. A justice system that’s operating under normal societal rules.

And for Faith’s arc, that works. Part of her ongoing struggle was facing up and dealing with what she’s done, so this gave her the opportunity.

That however, isn’t always the case. Mostly because prison systems overall are largely unhelpful in actually rehabilitating people, but that’s a hot take for another day.

Narratively of course we still want that sense of fulfillment. We want to see the characters we love redeem themselves, and we want to be satisfied that it’s earned. But for me, that’s there with Willow as much as it’s there with Faith. It’s just that beyond the difference in thematic approach between the shows, their arcs just aren’t a one-to-one comparison.

Willow isn’t in denial about what she’s done. And she’s been dealt enough punishment as it is, even if it wasn’t any consequence of her own actions. By societal rules, she should be in prison, but because Buffy operates outside of those, Willow instead gets to have help, support and lessons.

And that’s kind of fascinating.

GILES:  “Do you want to be punished?” WILLOW:  “I wanna be Willow.”

I haven’t talked about Dawn nearly enough, but just know that I love her.

That is all.

[pitiless-achilles-wept]

Not "Just Hair": Exposure, Autonomy, and Vulnerability

Hello friends, In the past couple days it's become clear to me that I've hit a certain (unwelcome) cancer milestone: I'm losing my hair. Right now it's just shedding like crazy. (If I had a contest with my cat--who's losing his hair for summer right now--I would still totally win!) I don't know why, given that it's a primary side effect of this drug (90% of people lose their hair), but I'm somehow still surprised. I think I felt that, having been in in an improbable, tiny percentage on most other things related to this disease I might at least have the chance to be in the special 10% on something positive. Not so! Perhaps I'm also surprised, though, because my other symptoms haven't been very bad...so much so that (as I wrote about before) I'm in a constant anxiety spiral about whether something physical is a sign or symptom and, if so, whether it means the treatment is working or not. Hair falling out is unquestionably a sign that the chemo is doing something--that it's doing precisely what it's supposed to, in fact, and targeting fast-growing cells of all types. So, yes, in that sense I want to lose my hair. Right when I was first diagnosed I wanted them to hit me with everything all at once: chemo, surgery, radiation - I wanted to be assaulted by every weapon the medical profession had to wield against cancer and I didn't care what I looked like or how I suffered. I wanted to enter treatment as a warrior and I wanted to look like one, shaved head and all. Somehow, though, I lost that attitude. It's not that I don't want to fight, but that the stance of being a warrior all the time is exhausting. There's a lot that's less than ideal about using the language of conflict and battle (and implicitly of winning and losing) to talk about something that you don't have any control over. If this chemo agent doesn't kill enough cells (as my pessimistic side believes it won't) it won't be because I did or didn't do anything. If it does work, it's only my victory in the sense that it's good luck for me. My body isn't the warrior so much as a field on which battles are waged on a cellular level. And my mind has nothing to do with the success--or not--of these conflicts. Fundamentally, I have no control. And that's the hardest thing for me about losing my hair.  [More below including Buffy gifs!!]

The loss of bodily autonomy involved in having cancer is huge. Not only does it feel like it's something personal, since it's your own cells (sometimes directed by your own DNA) that have betrayed you, but it's also something you can't fix; you can't do anything to change the outcome of your treatment. You can change the treatment itself (different chemo agents, additional drugs, supplementary radiation), but you can't train for it the way you train for a marathon, where your own commitment to training can pretty much guarantee you steady progress and a positive result. You can supplement your own treatment with things (vitamins, injections, crystals, chocolate) that you believe may help. You can train yourself in healthy ways to respond emotionally. (I was already in therapy but everyone involved with cancer treatment should be.) You can go to the gym and keep your body "otherwise healthy"--a phrase that my doctors said to and about me repeatedly during the diagnosis phase and that I never stopped finding funny...being perfectly healthy EXCEPT for Stage 4 cancer is something of a cosmic joke. (I know that they meant that, unlike many of their patients, I could endure the treatments very well and with minimal complications. That IS a good thing. But still...) You cannot train for cancer treatment. It's a battle, but one you must enter alone, untrained, and unarmed. Fundamentally, you have only yourself. And that must be enough. (I don't mean to dismiss the wonderful community of friends and family here; you all give me the strength to fight this fight. You just can't go with me.) There's an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a show which I love and which has meant a lot to me at different times in my life, where Buffy must fight her vampire ex-boyfriend Angel (who SPOILERS used to be a good guy because he was cursed with a soul but he lost it because he experienced true happiness with her) who has been systematically finding the best ways to hurt her, psychologically, before killing her. In this final battle, he backs her against a wall, sword pointed at her and says, "So that's everything. No weapons. No friends. No hope. Take all that away and what's left?" to which she replies, while grabbing his sword midair with her bare hands, "Me.":

(Gif source: x)

If you want it, here's a clip on YouTube (this exchange is about a minute in). That moment has been my inspiration from the first moment of diagnosis. I had already used it to get through my divorce when I felt I had lost everything. I hadn't, though, because I was still me, with a core resilience and self-confidence and the righteous strength that enabled me to keep going, to thrive. It is grossly unfair that, less than a year later, I need to draw on that same energy again, but that is how battles work. We survive to fight another day. No weapons. No friends. No hope. Take all that away and what's left? Me. I know I've just employed the rhetoric of battle immediately after saying it's not ideal. It's not. I'm a peacetime creature, really, as are most of us. But I won't back down from a fight or sidestep necessary conflict either. And being a warrior is not the same as being embroiled in constant battle. Even Achilles put down his shield and wept in Priam's tent. In fact, all this content is on another blog whose title is "Pitiless Achilles Wept." You can read here about why I called it that, but here's the most important part that I wrote about the scene where Achilles and Priam cry together:

"They speak the universal language of human beings here: grief. They weep as fathers and sons and lovers because that’s honestly the only constant in our small human lives. So here I am, recording my grief, with the hope that at least, by being together, we can get through the evil I have to endure. I actually thought that the blog title was a quotation–and a beautiful line of poetry–but nowhere can I find a translation that reads, 'Pitiless Achilles wept.' But I still cannot think of a line that feels more appropriate to record the thoughts of someone who has to be both a warrior (brave, fierce, pitiless) and a frightened, vulnerable person."

Tonight I am that frightened and vulnerable person, furious that (without my permission) my body is shedding the hair that I have always loved and scared at how it will change my experience of being in the world. When I got my hair cut two weeks ago it showed no signs of giving up the ghost. My stylist tugged on it and pronounced that "you have really strong hair!" and I allowed myself to think that, somehow, that would protect me. Ah yes, I thought, my hair is strong like all the rest of me; it will endure.

Losing it therefore feels symbolic on a number of levels. I know that it doesn't make me weak, but it does make me vulnerable. How can I be so exposed, without any hair to duck under when I feel anxious? How will I get through the day without being able to run my hands through my hair (a nervous tic that is a self-soothing gesture...and currently hastening my hair loss)? How will I cope with being no longer regarded as immediately aesthetically pleasing (from my privileged position as someone who ticks many of the stereotypical boxes for attractiveness) by people who don't know me? (I did not realize how much I relied on this to navigate the world but it has certainly been made visible to me now. Perhaps this warrants another post later.)

Losing my hair is a good sign. We all want chemo to be as effective as possible so the more fast-growing cells we see being targeted the better. But as it marks me, visibly, as "sick" it robs me of the opportunity to choose whether to tell people or not--yet another loss of autonomy. I do have a wig that looks as much as possible like my regular hair. (I don't love everything about it but unless you have one custom-made you're not likely to find anything that looks precisely like you do.) This should enable me to pass as healthy, barring other obvious symptoms. But I imagine I might be the kind of person who would rather go bald (or at least with a 1930s Norma Desmond head wrap) as a way of owning my illness, taking back some of what it has stolen. I might rather this say, "Yes, this illness is a part of me now--even if it's not pretty. That's what a warrior looks like." No weapons. No friends. No...hair. Take all that away and what's left?